These Advice given by My Father Which Helped Us as a New Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct words "You are not in a healthy space. You require some help. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to open up between men, who still absorb harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - taking a short trip overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to things that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a family member, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their stories, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."